Got a joke to share?

[Andy-Montreal]

The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....
#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

[djeaux]

Bubba & Earl, redneck superheroes, find themselves the beneficiaries of a pair of choice 40-yard line ducats for the Miss'ippi State University homecoming football game.* This is a big treat, because although neither Bubba nor Earl attended MSU (Bubba finished 9th grade) they are avid Bulldog fans.

They take their seats in the stands. It is one of those days that God made for college football: a perfect blue sky, a hint of autumn in the air & 50,000 screaming Bulldog fans in maroon & white rattling their cow bells. The band plays the National Anthem & the cheerleaders tumble onto the field leading Old Bullie, the team mascot.

And there at the 50 yard line in front of 50,000 Bulldog faithful & a Sports South television audience, Old Bullie plops down & commences to lick himself where dogs are wont to lick themselves.

"Lord, I wish I could do that!" Bubba exclaims.

"Shhhh, Bubba! That dawg would bite you if you tried," Earl replies.




*Insert your own agricultural & mechanical type "cow college" for Miss'ippi State & the joke works almost anywhere there are Bubbas & Earls.

[djeaux]

After the game, Bubba & Earl are heading back home down Highway 45 when Earl spies a gas station with a marquee saying, "FREE SEX WITH FILL-UP."

He pulls his trusty F-150 in next to the pump & screams to the attendant, "FILL IT UP!"

The attendant gases up the truck & says, "That'll be $28.34."

Earl points at the marquee & replies, "Ain't you forgetting that free sex with the fill-up?"

The attendant scratches his head & says, "Well, first you have to qualify. I'll think of a number between one & three. You guess it & you'll get your free sex."

"Fair enough," Earl says. "You're thinking of the number one."

"Nope, sorry," the attendant answers. "I was thinking of the number two."

"Let me try!" Bubba yells. "You're thinking of three."

"Nope," the attendant replies. "I told you I was thinking of the number two."

Bubba & Earl hit the road again with a full tank but no free sex. After a few miles, Earl sadly admits, "That were a ho-axe. There weren't no free sex."

"Not so," Bubba answers back. "My wife stopped there three times last week & she won every time!"

[JOZ RIDG]

Difference between men and women.

[k757]

A young woman took her troubles to a psychiatrist."Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."

"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."

"For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the woman. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

[theLine]

Originally Posted by Andy-Montreal

The Top Ten Reasons Men Prefer Guns Over Women

#10. You can trade an old 44 for a new 22.

#9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road.

#8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times.

#7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup.

#6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo.

#5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.

#4. Guns function normally every day of the month.

#3. A gun doesn't ask , "Do these new grips make me look fat?"

#2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it.

And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman....
#1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN

[Andy-Montreal]

It started way back when....

God Said, "Adam I Want you to do something for
me."

Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me
to do?"

God said, "Go down into that valley."

Adam said, "What's a valley?"

God explained it to him.

Then God said, "Cross the river."

Adam said, "What's a river?" !

God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill..."

Adam said, "What is a hill?"

So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave."

Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman."

Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce."

Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under his breath), "Geez....." !
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley,across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.

God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?"
And Adam said "What's a headache?"

[Engyo]

Didja hear about the guy who returned his high-definition TV?

He was watching C-SPAN, and Congress didn't look any brighter or sharper.

[Andy-Montreal]

[k757]

Originally Posted by Andy-Montreal

this is coming from a member with 666 posts... figures