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An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You have seen his wars and his material wealth. You have seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

Ok..just for fun!!!!
Ok..here's my own little contest only because I can't stay away from this website for 5 minutes. So I feel like I should contribute something.
I have posted this joke on another thread. Be the first one to reply and tell me where and I'll make you a custom key chain. FREE shipping too. It won't be with the club logo, but email me anything else you want on it and it's done.
ok...go!
 
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You got it Doug.
Send me what you want on your key chain, 2 sides.
You can email me at [email protected] for more details. I'll check that email when I get home from work tonight and AFTER 24!!!.
So...nice joke huh?? I figured it would be a good one to put up twice!!!! :D
 
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I'm glad you like it. You know Doug...we can always make another one for your daughter with her name on it!! ;) Enjoy my friend.
 

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A fellow was getting ready to tee off the first hole when a second golfer approached and asked if he join in him. The first said that he usally played alone,but agreed to the twosome.

They were even after the first two holes, when the second guy said; we're evenly matched, how about playing for five bucks a hole?

The first fellow said that he wasn't much for betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen holes with ease.

As they were walking off number eighteen, and while counting his $80.00, the second guy confessed that he was the Pro at a neighboring course and he liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that he was the Parish Priest. The Pro got all flustered and apologetic, offering to return the money.

The Priest said;"You won fair and square and I was foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings". The pro said is there anything I can do to make it up to you?.

The Priest said, "Well you could come to Mass on sunday and make a donation. And if want to bring your mother and father along, I'll marry them".
BannedUser said:
An old Indian chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a ceremonial pipe and eyeing two government officials sent to interview him.

"Chief Two Eagles," asked one official, "You have observed the white man for 90 years. You have seen his wars and his material wealth. You have seen his progress, and the damage he's done."

The chief nodded in agreement.

The official continued, "Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?"

The chief stared at the government officials for over a minute and then calmly replied, "When white man found the land, Indians were running it. No taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, women did all the work, medicine man free, Indian man spent all day hunting and fishing, all night having sex."

Then the chief leaned back and smiled, "Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that."

Ok..just for fun!!!!
Ok..here's my own little contest only because I can't stay away from this website for 5 minutes. So I feel like I should contribute something.
I have posted this joke on another thread. Be the first one to reply and tell me where and I'll make you a custom key chain. FREE shipping too. It won't be with the club logo, but email me anything else you want on it and it's done.
ok...go!
 

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Two Golf jokes:
1) Tee Time
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one heck of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it, I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!

The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."

So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"

The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which one hurts."


2) Golfing w/Mother Nature
Towards the end of the golf course, Dave hit his ball into the woods and found
it in a patch of pretty yellow buttercups. Trying to get
his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the
patch.

All of a sudden.....POOF!! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman
appeared.

She said, "I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those
buttercups? Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for
your popcorn for the rest of your life: better still, you won't have any butter
for your toast for the rest of your life...... As a matter of fact, you'll
never have any butter for anything the rest of your life!!!!!

Then POOF!... ...she was gone!

After Dave recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, "Fred, where
are you?"

Fred yells back "I'm over here in the ***** willows.

"Dave shouts back, "DON'T SWING, Fred; FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING!"
 

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Pedro the Diesel Fitter


Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went
to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered,
"Panty Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton panties."

The clerk looked up Panty Stitcher. Finding it classified as
"unskilled labor", she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.

Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since
diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.

When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office
to find out why his friend and coworker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters
are skilled labor."

"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on a panties, Pedro
he puts dem over his head and says, "Yeah, diesel fitter."
 

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The Irish tend to celebrate everything, they are also good planners.

This young lad goes back to the old country to visit the family. Some thing is bothering his father but he has not figured out what it is.

His father returned from work that day and the son asks him, Dawd you seem all down in the mouth and gloomy.

Father replies: I lad its true, Ive been seeing the doctor
and He's given me a bit o bad news.

Son: Tell me Dawd tell me now what is it?

Father: The doctor says I've got that cancer ya know and I
shaunt be long in this world.

It was a teary occassion as the sobbed and hugged
each other.

They regain their composure and the son stays
Dawd let wander down to Scotties, I will buy you a pint and we can reminisce a bit.

They sit at the pub drinking their pint when one of the old mans buddies comes in and one shouts: Lenny what would you be celibrating.

Father: Aw lads it shaunt be a celebration, I've recieved
a bit o'bad news.

Old freind: Lenny tell us what is it?

Father: I've been seeing the doctor and he tells me I've
contracted that AIDS ya know and I shaunt be
long in this world.

Old freind: Why thats terrible Lenny.
He calls the inn keeper and buys the father
and son a drink and then sits at the end of
the bar.

Son: Leans over to his dad and asks: Dawd I thought you
told me you've got that cancer.

Father: I lad its true but I dona-want them bastards
buggering your Mum when I am gone.


Steve Frost
 

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ADMIN NOTE:
Some of the jokes or pictures contained in this thread are intended for an adult audience. Jokes can sometimes get dirty, ya know. So, this is your fair warning. If you are easily offended, move along to another thread.

Thanks, Mgmt.

---------------------------------------------

A beautiful blond boards an airplane. The flight attendent at the door asks for her tickets. The attendent looks at them and tells her she is seated in coach, through the curtains and about 10 rows back. To which the blond promptly seats herself in 1st class.
The attendent goes over to her and says, "Didn't you understand me ? You cannot sit here. This is 1st class. Your tickets are for coach"
The blond looks back at her and says" I'm blond , I'm beautiful, I'm going to Miami, and I am not moving!"
They argued for several minutes, after which the senior attendent came over to try to help. After looking at the blond's tickets she also told her " Ma'am your tickets are for coach, you must leave 1st class immediately"
Once again, the blond replied" I'm blond, I'm beautiful, I'm going to Miami, and I am not moving!"
The senior attendent saw she was getting nowhere, and knocked on the cockpit door . The Captain came out to see what was going on. After a brief explanation, he quietly said," I'll handle this"
He walked into 1st class, and after spotting the blond, he walked over , introduced himself, and asked if he could sit next to her. She agreed, and he sat down.
After a moment he leaned over and whispered into the blond's ear. As he finished her eyes popped wide open, she jumped up out of her seat and literally ran for coach.
The 2 attendents were stunned and ran over to the captain. one said
" Captain, we argued with her for almost fifteen minutes! In 2 seconds you had her running out of 1st class. What on earth did you tell her?
The captain chuckled and said "it was really no big deal. I just told her that 1st class wasn't going to Miami!"
 

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It was Sunday and the church was full.
After a flash and a boom the great horned beast himself appeared in front of the altar. As he turned to the congregation they began to scream and in great fright rushed madly out of the sanctuary.
Satan surveyed the room and noticed one elderly gentleman still sitting in a pew with his hands resting lightly on his cane.
The beast approached him and said, " you did not run out of the church as the others."
The man replied " Nope"
The beast asked, " aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied , "Nope"
The beast then asked , " Do you know who I am?"
The man replied, " I ought to, I've been married to your sister for the last 45 years!"
 

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Pancakes

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to
the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although
their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were
concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently
declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the
problem."

The next morning when the boy arrived at
breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the
table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are
for your father.
 
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Discussion Starter #14
ridge4me2 said:
Pancakes

Brenda and Steve took their six-year-old son to
the doctor. With some hesitation, they explained that although
their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were
concerned about his rather small penis.

After examining the child, the doctor confidently
declared, "Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the
problem."

The next morning when the boy arrived at
breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the
table.

"Gee, Mom," he exclaimed. "For me?"

"Just take two," Brenda replied. "The rest are
for your father.
I love it. :D
 
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ridge4me2 said:
I just hope I didn't offend any pancake eating members. ;)
HECK NO. NOT ME. COPY, PASTED AND SENT IT OFF TO EVERYONE IN MY ADDRESS BOOK AND RECITED IT TO 3 PEOPLE ALREADY. GREAT! :D
 

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While visiting his niece, an elderly man had a heart attack. The woman drove wildly to get him to the emergency room. After what seemed like a very long wait, the E.R. doctor appeared, wearing his scrubs and a long face.

Sadly, he said, "I'm afraid that your uncle's brain is dead, but his heart is still beating."

"Oh, dear," cried the woman, her hands clasped against her cheeks with shock.. "We've never had a Democrat in the family before!" ;)



I meant no offense - just a joke I heard today... OK?
 

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The Cause of Arthritis

The Cause of Arthritis

A drunk, who smelled of beer, sat down on a subway seat next to a
priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red
lipstick and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn
coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few
minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Tell me, Father,
what causes arthritis?"


The priest replied, "My Son, it is caused by loose living, being
with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow
man, sleeping around with prostitutes and a lack of personal
hygiene."

The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be darned," and
returned to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, put his hand gently on
the man's arm and apologized. "I'm sorry. I should not have come on so
strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis, Father," the drunk replied. "I was just
reading here that the Pope does."
 

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Why do men's hearts beat quicker, they go weak in the knees, get dry throats and think irrationally when a woman wears leather clothing?

^

^

^

BECAUSE SHE SMELLS LIKE A NEW TRUCK !!!
 

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THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:



a.. Indubitably
b.. Innovative
c.. Preliminary
d.. Proliferation
e.. Cinnamon






THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:



a.. Specificity
b.. British Constitution
c.. Passive-aggressive disorder
d.. Loquacious Transubstantiate





THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:



a.. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
b.. Nope, no more booze for me
c.. Sorry, but you're not really my type
d.. Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
e.. Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing
 
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